BeyondJen

Can you see me?

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On preparing to never let go by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

On preparing to never let go

Walking slowly down the hall, arms filled with the day's mail, we spoke of morbid things. She wants to be reduced to ash and I want to know if I can keep her on my mantle. She looks at me sideways with a curious face and forgets her footsteps. It's a little bit morbid, she tells me, deciding it's time to continue shuffling along, but I think the way I'm trying to picture her perfect urn is probably worse. There's nothing that I can think of that suits her, though, and I wonder if I even know her. Do I scatter you somewhere? You can't visit scatter. (I think good daughters plant guilt in the carpet pile to trip upon.) But she doesn't trip,

Ribs by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

Ribs

the ground breathed from empty lungs in a cemetery holding down the seasons, and I wondered what life above deserved to be. laying down frosty angel wings in fraud, I saw the possibilities in the evening sky, and heard them in the gleeful laughter on the horizon. smiles broke in the most beautiful of ways across icy cheeks, and we headed back in for cocoa. -- 1/21/2014 Copyright © Jen Fowler 2014 All Rights Reserved

the long road by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

the long road

one day you'll realize your importance doesn't fall within a scale of 1 to 10. instead, it either exists or doesn't exists or maybe ceases to exist. one day you'll open your eyes and cease to be color-blind, no more shades of grey to rationalize precedence or priority. instead, you'll see yourself either filled with color or erased from the page, or maybe if you're lucky, you'll find you're simply a work in progress. one day you may be lowered into the ground before realizing any such prophets, only to have someone else realize them for you. one day you'll finally rest in peace. -- 9/11/2013 Copyright © 2013 Jen Fowler All Rights R

1.12 by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

1.12

I've never before found myself in such a struggle, searching to find the words, to disclose to you the clockwork of my insides— the marrow I offer you to feed upon, in which you happily oblige. I don't know if it's just that I can't find the right consonants and vowels to lace together, but I tend to believe the words I need simply don't exist. It took me knowing you to learn it was okay to make myself vulnerable, to weave words from the strands of my muscle and sinew you flexed around your heart, to chisel them out of my bones you softly scraped against, to scrawl them out in the blood you bled from me. You pressed your fingers again

Kairos by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

Kairos

The furnace finally shut off and I'm left listening to the house whisper moans, the silence broken just enough for me to remember I'm alone. The stairs creak an invitation, and soft bed sheets beg to caress my bare skin. I'm almost ready, but it kicked on again. A distraction. Daylight holds me here. It's off. My mind wanders to the weight of the down comforter; it could be laid atop me, pressing feather-direction. It's on, its hot breath encircling me; warming limbs, competing for my attention. Its rhythmical cycles remind me of sharp, flesh-covered jetties, rocking against waves meant for shorelines. It's off, and I'm off to encase my

sillage by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

sillage

I hated that we were drunk when we made love, but you were smoking your anxiety and tossing me beers and one bottle became a dozen and we kissed in the bathroom at the bar and pressed our curves into a Picasso and maybe I fell a little, but you caught me. Our time remaining became scant hours and hazy memories but I remember sitting in the backseat and I kissed your knuckles when you bloodied them and we drank some more while dancing in your living room and we made the bed ours if only for the night. In the morning you begged me not to leave and it sounded like the most beautiful thing in the world and I wonder if you'd still mean it, but

You're only as good as the world allows you to be by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

You're only as good as the world allows you to be

She looks like The Joker without needing the makeup, the way her lips curl into sharp points at the edges. It makes the madness sadness her face holds even more pronounced, yet she's expressionless. She's a mess of smudged makeup and tousled hair, perfectly arranged. Every picture of her is the same. It gives her that she's-so-damaged-she's-a-creative-genius look and she wears it well. Her drawings are as boring and messy as the stare cast from her black, pleading eyes. But they can't compete with her heirloom scars, carved so deep you can see the dark light seeping out. And her words make you want to press fingers into your eye sockets befo

R.S.V.P. by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

R.S.V.P.

asphalt and concrete compete for my attention. day will turn to night at highway speeds and I will chase the sunset to see an early sunrise break on the frothy waves of the ocean. little towns and coffee shops will beckon— hunger and caffeine excuses greater than out-of-the-way locations, —but fear will hold my feet to the shore, time slipping through my fingers. sea spray and salty tears mix well, like dirty martinis toasted to regrets. -- 9/11/2013 Copyright © 2013 Jen Fowler All Rights Reserved

6.21 by BeyondJen, literature

in the offing by BeyondJen, literature

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On preparing to never let go by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

On preparing to never let go

Ribs by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

Ribs

the long road by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

the long road

1.12 by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

1.12

Kairos by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

Kairos

sillage by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

sillage

You're only as good as the world allows you to be by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

You're only as good as the world allows you to be

R.S.V.P. by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

R.S.V.P.

6.21 by BeyondJen, literature

in the offing by BeyondJen, literature

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You're only as good as the world allows you to be by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

You're only as good as the world allows you to be

Hope by Poetrymann, literature

mechanic by saltwaterlungs, literature

Literature

mechanic

I want to kiss every aching wound you have, bandage your heart every time it bleeds, and patch up your mind over and over because not a single tear deserves to fall from your brandy-drenched eyes; This dripping heart of mine can only feel, and the healing honey words it flames get caught in the back of my throat and on the roof of my mouth, so I only have these passionate guttural cries to tell you that I care all too much. In order to fix you up again, I would need to tear myself to tatters and trade all of my working parts for your leftover, fading pieces but I just haven’t figured out how.

our daughter, lost at sea by shimmytwist, literature

Deviation Spotlight

Confession by BeyondJen, literature

Literature

Confession

Lips met in clumsy haiku, against each other, pressed, the way the earth touches the sky, soft and whimsy as the dusk. Tongues painted passion- sunset colors, halcyon atmosphere, infused, -upon every awaiting space offered. Metaphors dotted the hallows of limbs and tasted like the seasons- a bursting and vibrant spring, a hot and passionate summer,

Confession

BeyondJen

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About BeyondJen

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Artist // Hobbyist // Literature

June 12, 1978
United States
Deviant for 14 years
She / Her

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I Heart DeviantArt Gear: Proud supporter of deviantGEAR

My Bio

They say if you write, you're a writer. So, I'm a writer.

For all the writing I love to do, I seem to be really awful at conveying the important emotional stuff verbally or even sometimes in an email. I also repeat myself a lot. I believe it's because I feel the need to attack an issue from 27 different angles just to make sure you understand it -- because apparently, that's how complex I believe myself to be.

Like most writers, I do not get paid for it...ever. And that's okay. I write to express myself, because I honestly think it helps me understand myself better, and because I love writing.

I'm also a single mom, a lover, a sometimes fighter (but never a bully), a friend, a caretaker (no, not of the dead), a goofball, rebellious, a daredevil, a risk-taker, a lover of life and love, and I'm passionate. I think I'm also really lost but I'm finally starting to find my way.

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Pearl Jam. A bunch of others; way too many to list. Mostly Alternative/Indie/Singer-Songwriter/Folk, but I listen to nearly everything with good words.

Favourite Books

From my childhood, "A Penny for the Pauper"

Favourite Games

Uno, Scrabble, and Marco Polo! "Marcoooooo"

Favourite Gaming Platform

Coffee table, bar table, and the outdoors.

Tools of the Trade

My heart, a notebook, and pencil...and sometimes some music for inspiration.

Other Interests

Music. Poetry. Learning. Life. Adventure. Love.

Posts

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BeyondJen

Jan 31, 2014

Every little thing

0 min read

Just a quick little note here because I'm due to be on a morning flight out to Boston tomorrow morning and will be spending the next few days driving back and getting settled in. So, I'll likely be a ghost for about the next week. But, I saw that SilverInkblot (https://www.deviantart.com/silverinkblot) mentioned me in her recent interview and because I haven't had time to properly investigate or thank her for that, I'm going to cheat and do it here. Thank you, Lauren, that was a super bright spot in my day. :) Also, between folding loads of laundry this morning, I saw that Nichrysalis (https://www.deviantart.com/nichrysalis) tagged me with an interesting handwriting thingy, and yes, I'll certainly participate but as usual

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BeyondJen

Jan 15, 2014

happy things

0 min read

I've always been able to kind of picture how certain things would work out. Scenarios I was certain would come true in the future, I could visualize them perfectly. I can't name one of those things that's actually happened the way I pictured it; most of them never even happened. Maybe I just have an overactive imagination. But, there are things happening in my life now, that I was never able to visualize, and I think it's because these things are so good, so incredible, that I simply didn't realize it could be like this, and how can you dream up something you don't even know exists? Even with being in the middle of this amazingness going on,

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BeyondJen

Nov 5, 2013

Just Breathe

0 min read

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to spend 6 days in the Boston area again, all of those days basically living with someone I'm very much in love with. It was a beautiful and yet sometimes stressful situation; an experience and memories I'm happy to have. One of the highlights of the trip was the Pearl Jam concerts we attended. Months ago I had wanted and planned to take this person with me as part of her birthday gift. Really, it was just a selfish way for me to share my love of Pearl Jam and the incredible experience of a live Pearl Jam concert with her. I didn't think it'd pan out, and it almost didn't happen, but she saw how much it mea